Archive for the ‘Human Disinterest’ Category

As a parent, I have a perfect excuse to have a collection of toys that are inappropriate for my age. When I enter a toy store, nothing is off limits. Well, perhaps with the exception of the Barbie section. I’m just not that into dolls… even Action Man whom I’m told on good advice is awesome, well, I just never liked role playing characters that surpass my own reality in every conceivable way. It’s not that I couldn’t be a man of action, it’s just that modern society doesn’t require me to get off the couch. Frankly, Action Man sounds like a bit of a show off. Kind of like Justin Beeper, but not as fake.


Snoozin' for a bruisin'

Snoozin’ for a bruisin’

Does anyone hold the secret to a good night’s sleep? Please tell me… I’ll pay!*

In my world, I have all the necessities for sleep. Let me see… there’s tiredness, check, a dark quiet room, check, a bed, check, a pillow, check. But despite all these luxury items, when I drag my weary body to bed, I just get into a fight with Robin. Robin is the name of my pillow, they said I needed to name it, in order to build a positive relationship.

Now I should say, I don’t have any real beef with Robin personally and even though we see eye to eye most of the time, we just haven’t bonded. So inevitably, I end up punching Robin, hard, shortly after I lie down each night. Robin is particularly stubborn though, so I usually follow up by thrusting my shoulder forcefully into its guts. The poor thing offers little resistance. “Victory is yours,” right?

Death becomes them

Death becomes them

“Surround yourself with positive people!” It’s a great theory, because let’s face it; all you are going to get out of negative people is the cold hard truth. No one wants to hear that kind of feedback when they are setting unrealistic goals for themselves.

The philosophy of this surround yourself with positive notion is something like influenza. By sidling up to a positive person, you stand the best chance of being infected by their ditzy deer in the headlights euphoria. This is not necessarily because it’s contagious, it’s just that you are so unaware of your surroundings, you overlook the fact that the driver of that big rig is still going to run you down, regardless of your positive thinking. (more…)