Wanted: Ideal Humans

Apparently there are a lot of people going around lately professing that their god has explicitly instructed them to strike fear into the heart of infidels. While this is nothing new in human history, you would have hoped that in this day and age promoting your beliefs would come through persuasive argument rather than the old “join me or die” mentality.

Unfortunately, religious nutcases relying on medieval concepts to integrate with modern society, still feel “blow shit up” is a constructive method of community engagement with the added benefit of appeasing their vengeful gods. As far as I can tell, they mainly have a beef with people who don’t fit their definition of the ideal human, which happens to exclude anyone that has an ounce of common sense.

Their religious definition goes something like this…
“Ideal Human: fucking nut who uses threats of physical harm or death to encourage other humans to join in the lewd behaviour and worship an invisible entity who provides them with immunity from judgment over immoral conduct, while promising sex and riches after followers have a glorious death whilst committing gross acts of violence.”

Part of a team, or a load of bullocks?

In the workplace, I am on the constant receiving end of communications commencing with the word “Team.” There seems to be a misconception amongst organisational managers and supervisors that language used to motivate a football club, somehow transfers to the office. Let me be clear about this, it does NOT. It especially does not apply to saboteurs such as myself, whose primary function in the office is to thwart the actions performed by the manager of the day.

According to Dr. Google, a team is defined as “two or more draft animals that work together to pull something.” So you can see right there, the term cannot possibly relate to anything going on in the office, or at least, anything that “should” be going on in the office. I guess there is the odd exception, like the annual drunken xmas party that doesn’t have any respect for animal rights, but I’m not going to dignify that kind of activity by writing about it on a fine upstanding blog like this one. I’m not even curious as to why a group of people might have a team of draft animals in their office or indeed interested in the logistics in getting a draft horse into a service elevator. Although I guess it’s easier if your office is on a ground floor.