Archive for February, 2014

Our world is dying – let’s dance!

Posted: February 16, 2014 in Whingevism

 

No one has change for the earth’s despair
Throw away your plastic, without a care

 

Wipe your ass with a few extra sheets
Flush 20 litres, then add a few repeats

 

No time to leave our automobiles at home
We travel in luxury with our global roam

 

Let’s clear some trees for a plantation
Have a few kids, forget over population

 

What’s this nonsense about fools gold?
Temperatures are up, oceans not so cold!

 

I don’t mind wearing extra sun screen
Or swimming in a slightly polluted stream

 

Is it my conscience, making an assumption
That I am suffering from mass consumption

 

Doctors say these are all curable conditions
But now I’m accustomed to gas emissions

 

Leave me alone, I’m using solar panels
It helps with cable TV and 100 channels

 

But that doesn’t meet all of my needs
I have a garden full of exotic weeds

 

It’s out there that my feral cat likes to play
All it eats, a small native bird each day

 

Don’t be judgmental, we all have to eat
We need more cows, some extra meat

 

I care about the environment, I really do
I’ve always held such a strong world view

 

But problems we have, are bigger than me
I didn’t put the sewer outlet into the sea

 

I didn’t ask for electricity that’s coal fired
Or inefficient appliances not required

 

I’m only human, I’m not made of stone
How can I refuse such a competitive loan

 

People measure me, on how I succeed
So I have to buy shit, that I may not need

 

I’m commanded to spend all of my cash
On goods that just end up in the trash

 

Hey, I sort through my rubbish, I do my bit
I gather it all up and sent it on to the tip

 

It’s all bio degradable give a billion years
Whatever’s left, we can call souvenirs

 

I have a big house, big car and huge debt
So don’t blame me if I happen to forget

 

That everything I do has some impact
Actions effect tomorrow, it’s not abstract

 

Our wants command an open cut mine
When what we need is an open mind

 

We continue to put chemicals in the soil
Laughing as we bring the earth to a boil

 

Most of us contribute to the earth’s demise
All the while, claiming that we are wise

 

Getting caught up in our own virtual reality
Not realizing our own deranged mentality

 

Turn a blind eye to massive deforestation
Claim it will be solved through reincarnation

 

It’s never been about calling yourself green
We’re talking about something obscene

 

Our lives, our futures are being carbon traded
As the environment is being slowly degraded

 

Humans conduct themselves with awful distinction
Perhaps we should fast track our own extinction

 

Governments granting immunity
Another lost opportunity

 

Not a care in the community
It’s the perfect time to dance

 

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Cyclists Oath

Posted: February 1, 2014 in Whingevism

Due to my experiences as a cyclist and ongoing road rage from motorists, I have come up with a new oath that cyclists should agree to before they are permitted to “hit” the streets.

As a Melbourne cyclist, I agree to the following terms and conditions:

  • I accept exposure to 4 seasons in one day weather
  • I believe that head winds and steep inclines are character building
  • I understand that although my tax dollars are invested in road infrastructure, as a non-motorist I am not justified in using such infrastructure when a motorist feels their average speed could be compromised by my presence.
  • As Victoria Police have declared motor vehicles “potential lethal weapons”, I understand that as a cyclist, I am a potential moving target.
  • I  accept blame and criticism for the irresponsible actions of all cyclists
  • I understand that roads are for motor vehicles and footpaths are for pedestrians.  Therefore my presence to either group shall be deemed an inconvenience and possible infringement of their personal space.
  • I understand that my personal space is limited to my ability to use positive thinking to deflect any 1500+ kg vehicle
  • Where positive thinking fails to protect my personal space, I reserve the right to bounce off the bumper or bull bar of any motor vehicle
  • I  acknowledge that my right to be on the road may be challenged by excessive horn usage, verbal abuse or physical contact by anyone driving a motor vehicle.  I also understand that my right of reply shall be denied except in the case of a vehicle being detained at a subsequent traffic signal.
  • I reserve the right to bleed on any roadway, except where this could delay a motor vehicle.
  • I agree to remove myself from the road way after being struck down by a vehicle.  I also agree that any injuries sustained cannot be attributed to any negligence by a motor vehicle operator.
  • I agree to express my love for my family and friends at every opportunity since I now put my life in the hands of motorists who feel their perceived right of way is more important than my life.
  • I understand that in the event of my murder at the hands of a motorist, justice will not be served, and my family will suffer for the rest of their lives while the perpetrator is given a legal slap on the wrist.

Signed,

 

Humble Cyclist (temporary citizen)