Archive for February, 2014

Our world is dying – let’s dance!

Posted: February 16, 2014 in Whingevism


No one has change for the earth’s despair
Throw away your plastic, without a care


Wipe your ass with a few extra sheets
Flush 20 litres, then add a few repeats


No time to leave our automobiles at home
We travel in luxury with our global roam


Let’s clear some trees for a plantation
Have a few kids, forget over population


What’s this nonsense about fools gold?
Temperatures are up, oceans not so cold!


I don’t mind wearing extra sun screen
Or swimming in a slightly polluted stream


Is it my conscience, making an assumption
That I am suffering from mass consumption


Doctors say these are all curable conditions
But now I’m accustomed to gas emissions


Leave me alone, I’m using solar panels
It helps with cable TV and 100 channels


But that doesn’t meet all of my needs
I have a garden full of exotic weeds


It’s out there that my feral cat likes to play
All it eats, a small native bird each day


Don’t be judgmental, we all have to eat
We need more cows, some extra meat


I care about the environment, I really do
I’ve always held such a strong world view


But problems we have, are bigger than me
I didn’t put the sewer outlet into the sea


I didn’t ask for electricity that’s coal fired
Or inefficient appliances not required


I’m only human, I’m not made of stone
How can I refuse such a competitive loan


People measure me, on how I succeed
So I have to buy shit, that I may not need


I’m commanded to spend all of my cash
On goods that just end up in the trash


Hey, I sort through my rubbish, I do my bit
I gather it all up and sent it on to the tip


It’s all bio degradable give a billion years
Whatever’s left, we can call souvenirs


I have a big house, big car and huge debt
So don’t blame me if I happen to forget


That everything I do has some impact
Actions effect tomorrow, it’s not abstract


Our wants command an open cut mine
When what we need is an open mind


We continue to put chemicals in the soil
Laughing as we bring the earth to a boil


Most of us contribute to the earth’s demise
All the while, claiming that we are wise


Getting caught up in our own virtual reality
Not realizing our own deranged mentality


Turn a blind eye to massive deforestation
Claim it will be solved through reincarnation


It’s never been about calling yourself green
We’re talking about something obscene


Our lives, our futures are being carbon traded
As the environment is being slowly degraded


Humans conduct themselves with awful distinction
Perhaps we should fast track our own extinction


Governments granting immunity
Another lost opportunity


Not a care in the community
It’s the perfect time to dance



Cyclists Oath

Posted: February 1, 2014 in Whingevism

Due to my experiences as a cyclist and ongoing road rage from motorists, I have come up with a new oath that cyclists should agree to before they are permitted to “hit” the streets.

As a Melbourne cyclist, I agree to the following terms and conditions:

  • I accept exposure to 4 seasons in one day weather
  • I believe that head winds and steep inclines are character building
  • I understand that although my tax dollars are invested in road infrastructure, as a non-motorist I am not justified in using such infrastructure when a motorist feels their average speed could be compromised by my presence.
  • As Victoria Police have declared motor vehicles “potential lethal weapons”, I understand that as a cyclist, I am a potential moving target.
  • I  accept blame and criticism for the irresponsible actions of all cyclists
  • I understand that roads are for motor vehicles and footpaths are for pedestrians.  Therefore my presence to either group shall be deemed an inconvenience and possible infringement of their personal space.
  • I understand that my personal space is limited to my ability to use positive thinking to deflect any 1500+ kg vehicle
  • Where positive thinking fails to protect my personal space, I reserve the right to bounce off the bumper or bull bar of any motor vehicle
  • I  acknowledge that my right to be on the road may be challenged by excessive horn usage, verbal abuse or physical contact by anyone driving a motor vehicle.  I also understand that my right of reply shall be denied except in the case of a vehicle being detained at a subsequent traffic signal.
  • I reserve the right to bleed on any roadway, except where this could delay a motor vehicle.
  • I agree to remove myself from the road way after being struck down by a vehicle.  I also agree that any injuries sustained cannot be attributed to any negligence by a motor vehicle operator.
  • I agree to express my love for my family and friends at every opportunity since I now put my life in the hands of motorists who feel their perceived right of way is more important than my life.
  • I understand that in the event of my murder at the hands of a motorist, justice will not be served, and my family will suffer for the rest of their lives while the perpetrator is given a legal slap on the wrist.



Humble Cyclist (temporary citizen)